Sticks and Stones May Break Bones But Words Can Kill

                     It doesn't take a shred of bravery to talk about someone badly behind their back. When someone we look down upon isn't around, our criticisms of them fly around the room freely, and we think that no harm can come to us from judgements shared privately amongst friends.

Original Art created by NeoYas available on Flickr.com

                    In an attempt to make our language more offensive and mocking, we start to imitate television and movies, passing off our nasty evaluations of people as "poking fun" or "just kidding." We give people monstrous nicknames, make fun of their looks, mock their intelligence, or craft humiliating jokes at their expense. Our sarcastic words can take on very threatening qualities, but we don't even take the time to realize it. We defend ourselves that we're just "blowing off steam" or that we are sarcastic by nature. That may be, but it doesn't stop us from having to pay for it later.

                    There's an old saying that goes, "The mouth is the gateway to calamity." In Buddhism, all our actions are subject to the Law of Cause and Effect. That means everything we think, say, or do... CAN and WILL be used against us. When we are are using thoughtless and heartless words, we are performing a bad action. Bad-mouthing as an action plants seeds of karma that will later come back to haunt us with terrible consequences. And we'd better be prepared, because it'll be equal to the negative feelings we projected onto the person we didn't like.

                     As we've learned from the Law of Cause and Effect, a good deed makes a good result. A bad deed makes a bad result. Everything we do determines each of our own individual results to come.

                    So if you talk badly about that guy at your work, it is you who will later have to face negative consequences. But you might be thinking, "Well, what I'm saying isn't that bad..." or "She deserved it. I don't care."

                    However, Buddhism stresses that various evils come out of our mouths as easily as a yawn. Most of the things we say about others goes unchecked and we think it's OK, when in fact -- those words are abusive. 

Original Photo taken by LauraLewis23 available at Flickr.com

                    Bad-mouthing someone is a form of abuse. It includes saying negative things, putting people down, and cursing at them. Sometimes in the movies, we become entertained by actors and comedians who skillfully word their clever insults about other people. It may be amusement for a couple of hours with a bowl of popcorn on a Friday night, but when we invoke the same foul language toward someone in our life, the negativity it creates will only bring harm down the road for us. Even if you don't mean the words you are saying, they are still hurtful and carry a negative energy.

             Why is it so easy to be critical of someone who isn't present? Haven't we all experienced moments where we've felt criticized? Yet in those moments, when we found out people had been saying "You suck" behind our backs, it didn't feel all that great, did it?

               Talking badly about someone is like killing them. Each negative word you're using against that person becomes like a murder weapon. In this way, our words continue to torment others unknowingly day in, day out.

             Here's a short story from the book, Something You Forgot Along the Way to use as an example.

***

             A very old woman, over 120 years of age, once had a visitor who commented, "You must have had many rare and interesting experiences over the course of your long lifetime. Will you please share one of those memories with me?"

            "I'm sure lots of things did happen, but my memory isn't what it used to be; I'm afraid I have forgotten them all," replied the old woman, shaking her head.

             The visitor sympathized, saying that was only natural for someone of her advanced years, but persisted, "Isn't there at least one thing you do remember?"

              "Well if you must insist, I'll tell you. I have painful memories of being killed 24 times." The old woman mumbled these mysterious words half to herself, her wrinkled face settling into a frown. When asked to explain, she began to tell her story bit by bit in a sorrowful tone, pausing frequently.

              "During my lifetime, I've seen the births of many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. But it is the way of life that death can strike anyone, young or old, and so it sometimes happened that a child or grandchild of mine would predecease me. We've had a total of 24 funerals in this house. Each time, I overheard people who came to offer their condolences say, 'If only the old woman had died instead!' They at least would whisper it in another room out of deference to me, but my grandchildren and great-grandchildren would deliberately say such things to my face. Their words killed me again and again."

***

                        It's bad enough to know people are talking about you behind your back, but when you hear it directly it's even worse. These days because of the Internet, people criticize others and go on to say dreadful things about others in posts or comments. If we choose to ignore this problem, it can quickly escalate and even become lethal.

Original Art Photo by TRF_Mr_Hyde available on Flickr.com

                       Take what happened to Paris Jackson, 15-year-old daughter of the King of Pop Michael Jackson. Paris was cyberbullied on Facebook and various social media about rumors of her father mistreating children. Even though a court of law found Michael not guilty of these charges, many believed he was guilty of criminal activity. These people became so scornful and negative that they directly ridiculed Paris and her own childhood, slandered her father in grotesque ways, and demoralized her life so much so that the teenager even attempted suicide last June. This type of verbal abuse, even though the only sound to express them was the clicking noise from letters on a keyboard, still managed to cause a young girl so much internal suffering that she lost all hope for her future and along with it her own will to live.

                       How many careless jokes have we made about celebrities without thinking of them as human beings or even how their families might feel about hearing those uncaring remarks? When we speak badly of others, we must be so careful. Words have the power to kill.  

                        Just this month a committee in Ireland formed up to analyze the negative impact of cyberbullying on their local children. The report claims that social media substantially affects children's mental health using the incidents of four teenage suicides in Ireland that occurred in rapid succession. Officials are calling for child protection guidelines and age restrictions on social media. Read the full story from online news site -- Independent.ie

                        What does that say about all of us making remarks, direct or indirect, about others and their misfortunes? Even to those who appear guilty or who we presume deserve our criticisms, we gain absolutely nothing by passing on our own judgements just to hurt them more and more.

                         It's in common practice today to send a nasty text message or IM (instant message) about someone who's in the same room. What does that say about our nature? We must reflect on all of our words, whether they're spoken or digital, and imagine if someone else was saying those same filthy words to us face-to-face. And having a thicker skin isn't always the answer to everything when you take into account that doing so is hurting other people.

                         The most casual joke or reference then has tremendous power to do us harm! Even if no one finds out about what you did, eventually you must face the repercussions of your own karma. It's definitely something to think about and to continue to take seriously.

                         Let's find the nice qualities in others and help people develop their talents. When we realize we're saying something in the wrong, we should correct ourselves and apologize swiftly. Because a word to the wise, we're not really all that wise with our words.

Know Gratitude, Feel Gratitude, Express Gratitude

               In an earlier post, we discussed the gratitude that we owe to our parents. Without them and all their efforts, we wouldn't be where we are today. Despite any hardships they have put us through, they helped shelter us, feed us, clothe us, and take care of us enough to experience the joy of life.

Original Art by woodleywonderworks available on Flickr.com

              Knowing gratitude is essential to feeling happy. The Chinese character for gratitude is on (pronounced: OH-nn). It contains two symbols, one represents "cause" and the other is "mind."

             We learned from the Law of Cause and Effect that everything has a cause. Throughout our lives we have received many blessings and benefits. Each one of these has a cause. Gratitude is the mind that knows that cause.

             Everything around us, the air we breathe, the trees that shade us, the plants, the earth we stand on, the animals. There is so much to be grateful for! We've all run under a tree either in sweltering heat or in a heavy rain. Likewise, we are sheltered and helped many ways in our lives.

             Our parents or caretakers played the largest roles of providing for our lives, but when we get down to think of it, countless other people come to mind as well. Family members who helped us through tough times, and friends who surprised us with gifts. Doctors helping us through medical issues, and nurses carefully monitoring our conditions. Our teachers and counselors instructed and offered us advice on how to succeed in life. Farmers and cooks labored to make and prepare us food. Builders and architects constructed the home we live in. Politicians and representatives try to provide us with a safe and prosperous society. Scientists and inventors made it possible for me to thank them directly with this blog!

               There's no end to the number of people we could thank for all we've received in this life. We think our lives and everything around us simply runs automatically. But for every beautiful flower in the park or on your street, there is also a gardener taking care of it. Our very survival depends on the help of others. Think about that -- your own survival.

                 Once this is understood, we realize that dissatisfaction in life comes from taking for granted the blessings of nature, the people around us, and everything we have. What if they suddenly weren't there anymore? Think about how much you rely on these things, and you suddenly can't help but be grateful for them!

                 Take a moment to thank the people in your life for things you may have taken for granted. The Buddha said that "An ungrateful person is worse than a beast!" He taught us the importance of knowing, feeling, and expressing gratitude. Here are the easy steps.

What to Do

1. Know Gratitude -- We need to know what we're grateful for.
2. Feel Gratitude -- We need to feel grateful.
3. Express Gratitude -- We need to show it!

                 The Buddha taught that those who feel no gratitude are lower than beasts. But even animals can show great loyalty, love, and gratitude to their providers.

                  Recently, a man from Utah got a service dog to help him with his anxiety. The two formed a strong bond, but his dog, Shadow, began to panic every time his owner went away to work. Shadow would chase him every time he tried to leave on faraway trips and even while he was working with very high-profile clients.

                  Another point to mention, the man happened to be in the hang-gliding business.

Photo Courtesy of the McManus Family

                    Dan had decided that the solution was to finally take his K9 companion along. He and his Shadow have been soaring ever since. 

                   "They're here to teach us how to love unconditionally and without expectation," said Dan McManus, owner of Eagles Nest Hang Gliding. "I'm grateful to have that dog to remind me of that daily. They're here for such a short period of our lives."

                   Shadow was happy to be along with best friend, Dan, no matter what the altitude. 

                  "We meet their needs to have a pack. They're pack animals, social animals," Dan says. "They don't remember yesterday's argument or mistake or problem. They're just grateful you're there everyday."

                     We as human beings should consciously keep in mind what we owe to others, be grateful inside for it, and act on that gratitude. That's how we earn the trust, admiration, and respect of others.

                     An ingrate is someone who doesn't know or feel gratitude. No matter how much wealth or knowledge a person may acquire, if they don't have gratitude in their heart, they are spiritually broke and most likely to be untrustworthy. It is truly a shameful state, one that is to be pitied.

                     All the karmic blessings we have received in life are like payments. Because we have received these payments, we must repay these debts with kindnesses. Yet so often we neglect to repay our debt of gratitude in the slightest. Here are three steps to avoid completely.

What Not to Do

1. Forgetting Gratitude -- Leads to Failure in Life
2. Ignoring Gratitude -- Results in Loss of Trust
3. Defying Gratitude -- Destroys Your Life

             Grateful people are the most successful. Those who take kindness for granted lose respect with others.  If you repay kindness with animosity, you yourself end up in ruins.

             Today try to find as many people as you can, and try to 1.) know gratitude, 2.) feel gratitude, and 3.) express gratitude to each person.

Original Art by adihrespati on Flickr.com

             If times are really tough right now and you can't find anything to be grateful for, I offer you this quote that's helped me. They are words to reflect deeply upon.

"The unhappiest person in the world is one who has no sense of gratitude."
--Takamori Kentetsu, author of You Were Born for a Reason

              As soon as you find one thing, even something small, your entire mindset and outlook can improve dramatically.

              Lastly, if you wish to receive more blessings to be grateful for, you must always remember to focus your efforts first on giving.

A Trip to Heaven and Hell

              There is an old Chinese parable with roots in Buddhism that tells about the difference between heaven and hell. The story varies with many different embellishments and translations, but essentially its timeless lesson remains the same.

***

             Once upon a time, a man decided to go sightseeing to the Land of Utmost Bliss and the Land of Incessant Suffering on a day trip.

            It was just about lunchtime in the Land of Suffering when he arrived. Before him he saw a bounteous selection of delicious foods, beautifully arranged on each of the dinner tables.

Original photo taken by sanfamedia.com available on Flickr.com

             "What the...?" the man looked around in confusion. "Can this really be the Land of Suffering?"

              At that very moment, all the inhabitants of the Land of Suffering arrived for their meal, looking pale, starved, and fatigued. They sat down with sour expressions and scornful looks in chairs at each table.

              The attendants in the Land of Suffering carried to each of the guests a set of very unusual chopsticks. Curiously, each chopstick was gigantic. They were approximately three feet in length.

Original Photo taken by alamodestuff available on Flickr.com

              All the unfortunate guests of the luncheon grabbed their large chopsticks greedily and reached for the best foods that they saw. Then they tried to devour each bite... but because of the extremely lengthy chopsticks, all the delicacies kept falling to the floor or were just out of reach from their mouths.  

              Witnessing such a desperate and pitiful scene, the man decided it was time to continue on with his next destination.

               Later in the day, he arrived in the Land of Utmost Bliss, just in time for supper.

               "Welcome! I'm so glad you could stop by!" said one of the guests. "Share in some of our wonderful meal!"

               The healthy, well-fed residents of the Land of Utmost Bliss seated him at a rich banquet, exactly as the one in the Land of Incessant Suffering.

                 "Well, your chopsticks here must be smaller I'm sure!" exclaimed the man.

                  "NO, that would be silly! They're about three-feet-long here too!"

                  The man couldn't figure it out -- how can that be possible?

                  The attendants in the Land of Utmost Bliss then carried in the large chopsticks to each of the guests.

                  "You see, although the food and chopsticks in the Land of Utmost Bliss are similar to the Land of Incessant Suffering," said the smiling guest next to the man. "Here we feed each other! See!"

                   The smiling guest then fed the person across from him.

                  "Here you go!" said the guest across from the man. "Try this one. It's my favorite."

                  "Yum!" said the man. "Would you care for some of these tasty dishes?"

Original photo taken by A. Lau (Palaez Photography) available on Flickr.com

                   "Of course! Thank you very much."

                    The man began to use his chopsticks to feed the guest across from him. All around the table, the guests continued to feed each other in this way.

                     "Here you go! Are you ready over there?"

                     "Yes, I am! Mmmm, great. Thank you!"

                     The difference between the Land of Utmost Bliss and the Land of Suffering is merely a difference in mindset. When we give in to our own selfishness, we create all sorts of negative situations in our lives. With that kind of attitude, no one can be happy.

***

                      In Buddhism, selfishness is seen as self-interest. A person who seeks his own interest at the expense of others is greedy and bound for misfortune. We need to constantly examine ourselves and reflect on our nature to make sure we aren't being selfish.

                      Often times we can think that we are already the perfect images of kindness and that we deserve more than we are being given at the time. However, this is similar to the mindset of those in the Land of Incessant Suffering. To receive more, we must give more. Without awareness of this nature, we are unable to observe ourselves clearly and our misfortune continues as a result.

                      Other times, without even knowing it, we put on airs or give generously only so that others will praise us for it in the end. This too is also geared toward self-benefit. We must instead direct the idea of benefit away from us and focus on the benefit for those around us. The unselfish mindset of giving to others becomes the greater source for happiness. (See Relative Happiness and Absolute Happiness.)

                     Offer happiness to the various people who form a part of your life. All that kindness that you direct at them will come back to you and make you happy. This phenomenon is all explained within the founding principle of Buddhism, the Law of Cause and Effect. Good causes yield good results. Bad causes yield bad results. Your own causes yield your own results.

                    It's simple, and it's also the universal truth. You do something good for someone else, and you get a good benefit for yourself. However, seeds that are not planted can never grow. So get out there and put it into practice! There are even the Seven Good Deeds that Don't Cost Anything to get you started. Smiling is of course one of them. :-)

                   The simple difference between suffering and joy in this life is only a mindset, just like in this story. By helping others out as much as we can and giving them happiness, we celebrate a brighter and brighter outlook which then leads to a happier and happier life.

The Preciousness of Life

               The life we live can sure be hell sometimes. We go through family problems, money problems, health problems, relationship problems... the list seems to go on and on when we're facing tough times.

                 Yet even when things are going really great, we hear about natural disasters, mass killings, and international conflicts. We are never immune from worry it seems. Life can be so intense that at times it may seem just too much to handle, especially after a long day of struggling for your family or even just getting by yourself.

                 Then the creeping question of doubt arises... So why even go on? 

Original Photo by Beachcomber1954 available on Flickr.com

                 These are strong, yet stealthy words that too often end in tragedy.

                 When we get to this point, friends all chime in with the same old phrases that we should keep fighting the good fight, not give up, etc. But amidst so many personal hardships and global catastrophes, how can we really justify that life is always precious?

                   This can't be something we just blindly believe in, because if a tragedy strikes us at our very core and we lose what's dearest to us... we'll be the next ones wondering why we're alive. In a moment like that, "You can do it!" and "Hang in there!" will suddenly appear as blanket, empty expressions of naive reassurance.

                To be born a human being is a rare and wondrous experience we should feel extremely grateful for with every fabric of our being. 

                 But how can we truly know for sure?

                 Sakyamuni Buddha used a parable to put the value of human life into perspective for one of his followers in the Connected Agama Sutra.

***

                 One day Buddha asked his disciple Annan a question.

                  "What do you think about having been born human?"

                  "I feel extremely fortunate," said Annan.

                  "But how fortunate exactly?" asked the Buddha.

                   Annan was unable to answer, so the Buddha shared a story with him.

                   "At the bottom of a very vast ocean, there was once a blind turtle."

Original Photo by nsyll available on Flickr.com

                   "Once every 100 years, this blind turtle poked its head out of the water."

Original Photo by NOAA National Ocean Service available on Flickr.com

                   "Floating on the surface of the vast ocean was a log. In the middle of this log was a hole, just the size of the turtle's head. The log drifted with the wind in all directions.

Original Photo by Daniel P. Davis available on Flickr.com

                    "Annan, what are the chances that when that blind turtle came up, its head would go into the hole in the log?"

Original Photo by J. Michael Tracy available on Flickr.com

                    "Master, such a thing could hardly take place!"

                     "Would you say it was impossible?"

                      "Well, no..." replied Annan. "Perhaps that could happen once in uncountable trillions of years. It must be so rare it is next to impossible!"

                      "True," said the Buddha. "But Annan, for us to be born human is still more difficult than for that turtle to poke its head through the hole in the log!"

Original Photo by Jeffpro57 available on Flickr.com

***

                      Sakyamuni Buddha taught with this example that human life is rare and precious, but we can also look at biological examples right here on our own planet to get an idea.

                       Think about it, just how many different kind of life forms live on this earth?

                       In just the oceans and rivers, how many fish swim? Picture that just one sunfish can lay 300 million eggs at one time. And scientists have yet to count how many species of insects there are, making the actually number of them to be astronomical! We haven't even gotten to all the birds, reptiles, mammals...

                      So being born as a human is already very special for this planet, a unique experience unlike any other. And of all the billions of people, no two are exactly alike, not even twins. There's something mysterious about this, and it's something to be really thankful for!

                       When something is rare or valuable, we go to great lengths to protect it. That's why doctors, nurses, and ambulatory workers give up their holidays and work relentlessly around the clock to preserve human life. It's also why medical researchers develop technologies to help add years, days, and even minutes to people's lives.

                       Yet there are times when patients must endure excruciating treatments at this chance for more life, or family members must make critical decisions for their loved ones on life-assisting machines. If life is precious, one may begin to wonder what the meaning of living longer could be under such excruciating circumstances.

                        Others can have difficulty believing in the value of life at all and commit suicide, sometimes even taking others along with them. It is an extremely sad and painful reality for these people and the ones affected by such tragedies.

                         Only hearing how precious life is doesn't work when you're in such agony. When life becomes so miserable, one may wish to have never been born. Knowing how hard life is and to just carry on doesn't make it any easier. There must be some kind of solid reassurance that yields purpose or some hope that adds meaning to one's painful existence in order to move forward.

                        We cannot live in in doubt of finding true happiness. We need an answer now while we're alive. This is the life we find the answer, as human beings.

                         Some mistakenly believe that because of transmigration, this life is just part of the journey. They feel like they will get do-overs in their next lives, and as if death is just like a reset button on a video game. This is simply not the case. Death is not something to be taken so lightly.

                           If we don't discover the preciousness of life now, when can we?
 
                           Really think about this.

                           Sakyamuni Buddha taught that being human may be tough, but without having been born in this unique form we would not have had the chance to seek for a joy that never fades even in the face of death.

Human form is difficult to obtain;

Now I have already obtained it.

Buddhism is difficult to hear;

Now I have already heard it.

                        By encountering and listening to Buddhism, we learn the way to attain absolute happiness and thus accomplish our true purpose of life.

                         We are all born to achieve true happiness in this lifetime. This is why we must live on and endure whatever trials come along the way. It is the meaning of life that propels all of us to live on, even if we don't know or choose not to believe it.  

                         This incredible mission to discover ultimate happiness is what makes all our lives infinitely precious and every moment a shining opportunity of inestimable value. Each and everyone of us shares in this singular life purpose to obtain absolute happiness. 

                          That's why a single life outweighs the earth! 

                         Listen to the teachings with an open heart until you discover this form of abundant joy, this happiness that makes you always want to shout from deep within your spirit, "I'm so happy I'm a human being! I'm the happiest person alive in the universe!"

Impermenance & the Four Horses

               In ancient Japan, a thin, wispy trail of smoke rising up from the mountains and leading up into the sky meant one thing -- the dead were being cremated. People would cast their eyes down, remember their deceased loved ones, and hope their families were not amongst the ones burned that day.

               We see this same sight today perhaps from the chimney of a mortuary, but how often do these scenes make us reflect upon our own mortality or even affect us on a deep level?

                Sensitivities to death vary from person to person. So in Pure Land Buddhism there is "The Metaphor of Four Horses" in order to describe the differences. This analogy uses a horses' attitude toward the whip, which represents the animal's greatest fear.

Original Art by LisaGenius available on Flickr.com

The Metaphor of the Four Horses

1.) A Horse that Sees the Whip's Shadow 
People surprised by the idea of their own death 

when they see falling blossoms or smoke from a crematory.

2.) A Horse that Feels the Whip Brush Over Its Mane
People stunned by the idea they too will die one day

when they see a funeral or hearse

3.) A Horse Cut to the Flesh by the Whip
People who are shocked to think they could be next

when they attend the funeral of relatives and neighbors

4.) A Horse Pierced to the Bone by the Whip -
People who are moved by their own impermanence

 when they lose their family

                    Modern society goes to great lengths to shield us from seeing death or even thinking about it, because this unsettled issue of where we go when we die troubles us so deeply. Some people go to extremes and even whisper the word death or get squeamish at just the mention of a terminal illness. Seeing death near us invokes a dreaded realization that one day... even as soon as today or tomorrow... we must leave all we have come to know and love in this life.

                  The starting point of Buddhism is having this sensitivity toward impermanence. We must direct our thinking about the deaths of others and reflect seriously about our own imminent demise. Without this crucial awareness, we can't advance even one step forward in Buddhism. We listen to reach the all-important, end goal of solving the crucial matter of our afterlife.
  
                 Sakyamuni Buddha had great compassion for human beings, even while knowing that we were all falling into the world of suffering without knowing it because of our evil deeds. Every second nearly two people die. Those that pass away from this world are like raindrops in the downpour of a tropical storm.  People we know may leave us, but for some reason we feel we won't be the next to go. We still vainly think that impermanence is something that can be put off until a more convenient time for us while we simply enjoy the moment.
                  
                 "Buddha taught, 'The outgoing breath awaits not the incoming breath, and so life ends.' Death may be but a single breath away. Fail to take in the next breath, and immediately your afterlife begins. Each breath you exhale and inhale brushes shoulders with death. On December 31, one second after [11:59:59 P.M.] it is [12:00:00 A.M.]. At the same instant, the [31st] changes to the [1st], December gives way to January, and one year yields to the next. In the same way, this life transforms into the next life in the space of an instant.
                   If you do not achieve the purpose of life now, when will you? When can you? Now is your only chance, for untold ages to come. Gaze steadily at the shadow of impermanence drawing closer every moment, and have no regrets."

--You Were Born for a Reason

             
                    Each morning we start fresh. We may go for a jog to get our blood flowing, wash our face to feel fresh, and treat ourselves to a warm cup of invigorating coffee. Every evening after we brush our teeth tiredly, we must finally at long last fall over into bed completely exhausted from the day's activities. At 7:00 A.M. we may have a radiant face, but by 11:00 P.M. we can be as white as bones. This is the way we carry on our lives, day in and day out, with the mentality that we will live in this body forever.

                     Say you put Ultimate Fighting Champion (UFC) Cain Velasquez in the ring against a little kid. And during the match no matter how many kicks or punches Velasquez throws, the kid still wins with one knockout punch. "How's that possible you ask?" It's because this kid's fighter name is "Wind of Impermanence." He holds an undefeated title, and one day it'll be a match between you and him.

                     Young and old should face their impermanence equally, since it can occur at any time. We discuss how important planning for retirement is, but not everyone will be alive for retirement. Everyone will face death, and yet in spite of this no emphasis is placed on resolving it anytime soon.

                      "We have squandered our days. We have sought the wrong objectives. Talent, property, and power have earned us the respect of others without affording us either joy or satisfaction. Why have we not rather sought happiness to satisfy the soul? We are left with nothing but sighs of regret. ... This lament can only be the regret of someone taken aback by the blackness of his [or her] prospects after death (darkness of mind)."

--You Were Born for a Reason, p. 69

                      We are simply unable to see through this darkness to know our True Self; we don't even know for sure who we really are or why we're alive. Yet somehow we still feel that we have all the answers even though we're really in the dark. 

                      Any concept or impression of death we might have is merely an emotional reaction or creative speculation. It is nothing like facing death when it actually arrives.

 

                      "Anxiety about what may lie beyond death is inseparable from anxiety in the here and now. It stands to reason, therefore, that efforts to make the present bright without resolving this darkness of mind can only come to nothing."

--You Were Born for a Reason, p. 67

                      This uncertainty toward our death and the afterlife is the very real question that must be faced, and we must listen to Buddhism in order to find the answer clearly. Let's reflect on our own impermanence and obtain true clarity on this issue as quickly as possible.

Gratitude to Parents

Question: Why do I have to care so much about my parents, especially if they were bad to me?


         Our parents brought us into this world, and we have them to thank for being alive. If our mothers hadn’t cared for us during pregnancy and endured child birth, we couldn't be here. We must be grateful for all the food and nourishment they provided us with. So many times they labored to keep us dry while getting wet themselves, and so often they cleaned away our filth when they didn’t want to put up with it anymore.

Original Photo by Micah Sittig available on Flickr.com

           Parents often endure a lot of hardship and save the best for the benefit of their sons and daughters. They can commit bad deeds they would never dream of, just to protect their kids and provide them with what they need. All these precious gifts can often go unnoticed as children go up. No matter how far away parents are, all parents still worry about their children, and that worry never ceases no matter how old they get.

       Yet when we are told to make sacrifices for our parents as they age, we often can't do so from the bottom of our hearts.

          The reason for this lack of true giving comes from the fact that we are suffering in our own lives at present. If we do not yet know the joy of being alive for ourselves, we can't thank our parents for giving birth to us.

           Some people in great emotional anguish may even think, "Actually, if my parents never brought me to this world, I would never have had to suffer this much." This is a very sad way to look at life, and it downplays everything your parents have done to raise you.

          People who commit suicide in essence are rebelliously defying their parents. They are holding a grudge against their very birth into this world. They show heavy resentment to their parents by thinking, "Why did you have to give birth to me? I didn't ask to be born."

           Parents may try to object and direct more attention to the hardships they have gone through for their children. "Look at all we've done for you. You should be grateful to us!" But a thankless child could fire back, "You both brought me into this world out of your own free will. I didn't ask you though. Did I?" This can progress even worse, "I wish I had never been born!!" With that being said, it becomes very difficult to debate any further. How could a parent respond back to that?

         Whether one can truly feel gratitude to one's parents or not depends on knowing the reason we were born. To find that reason is the purpose of life.

           If we do not know the reason we were born, then we will never fully understand why we have to be appreciative to our parents. Mom and Dad may have raised us with a lot of effort and sacrifice, but without knowing why we’re here, there is no concrete reason as to why we must be dutiful to our parents at all.

Original Photo by TimothyJ available on Flickr.com

          A Zen priest by the name of Ikkyu said that we live our lives day in and day out sleeping, waking up, eating, and using the bathroom. Likewise our lives go through many stages from child to adult. About this Ikkyu wrote, "A girl blossoms as a young woman, blooms as a bride, fades as a mother, and scatters as an old woman." Nowadays, women can of course choose to not marry or focus on career instead of raising children. But the point he was making is that we go through all these  phases of life only to fade away in old age. We have no idea of what’s next. Is death our destruction, and that’s all? According to Buddhism, it isn’t.

           If that were the case, it would render the value of human life to just a tiny bubble floating on a river. It would mean that those who are blessed in life with wealth and material things are just trying to make their bubble stronger or larger. But in time, their bubble will still burst for sure. Today, there are more than seven billion people on Earth. They are all like bubbles of various sizes destined to burst. A bubble can't expect to float forever. Then what is the point of living? Is it to only struggle for a better life as long as we can? Do we live to ignore the inevitable and just die? That can’t be it. There must be an answer.

            People are always worried about their retirements, 401k plans, and pensions. "Will I have enough to retire at 65?" These are only problems we deal with while we are still alive, but “what will happen after death?” No one makes an issue of this, yet it's in reality the most crucial matter there is. Science and medicine are trying so hard to keep the bubble from bursting, prolonging the inevitable for as long as possible. But why must a bubble that is bound to pop, have to float on or move forward at all? We must be born here for a reason.

            Our world is full of delusion and suffering. From time to time, we think to ourselves, "Why is it just me that has to suffer so much?" We see others as more happy than us, and think we are the only ones who must endure the worst suffering. As the expression goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." We believe that weeds simply don't grow in our neighbor's perfectly manicured garden, and only we must toil at pulling out endless roots. We don't realize that all people are suffering in this same way.

            People with extreme feelings of desperation feel that life is unbearable when they compare themselves to others. Though science and medicine have made great progress, the issue of suicide remains a serious and troubling issue. In these cases, we may wonder, "Why did I have to be born? I didn't ask to be here." We find no gratitude to our parents for giving birth to us or raising us when we find life's pressures to be too impossible to bare. Yet Sakyamuni Buddha explained that we were not born to suffer. He said that in heaven above, earth below, we as human beings are born with a single and precious mission.

             So then what is that one and only purpose of life that we were born to fulfill? People tend to mistake the many way stations of life for the ultimate purpose of life. They include going to school, getting a job, marrying, forming a family, building a house. All these are means of living, and although they do help us carry on day-to-day, they are not the ultimate purpose of life.

              The purpose of life is to obtain absolute happiness. This kind of joy lasts for eternity and is clearly taught in the Larger Sutra of Infinite Life. There are many buddhas other than Sakyamuni in the universe, and this sutra teaches that through the promise of the master buddha, Amida Buddha, we can enter into a wondrous world of no hindrance while alive. Upon reaching this level of enlightenment, obstacles no longer stand in the way toward our birth as a buddha in the Pure Land, a place of utmost bliss where there is no suffering. To attain this never-ending form of happiness is why we were born human. (This will be explored at length in future posts.)

             If we would not have been born into the human world, we would have never had the opportunity to seek for this truth. By listening to the teachings of Buddhism, we can realize the great joy of being alive and for likewise grasp the debt of gratitude we owe to our parents.

Original Photo by stevendepolo available on Flickr.com

              You can tell young people today to look after their parents all you want, but it will fall on deaf ears if the kids don't know why they're alive. Whether we feel truly grateful to our parents or not depends on whether we have realized the joy of being alive as a human being for ourselves in the here and now.

              Our bubbles will burst some day unexpectedly. And yet we live with all our might looking away from it... to what end? Then what should we really do with this short, temporal life? Morals and ethics do not even begin to answer this fundamental question of why we were born. Whether we can make full use of morals and ethics depends on whether we find true, lasting happiness -- right now in this very moment. In Buddhism, there is a concrete reason to why we're here. It's to attain absolute happiness!!!

               Once we accomplish this joyous purpose of life, we marvel at how wonderful it is that we were born human! Naturally, we feel grateful to our parents who brought us to this world. We will realize why our lives, like tiny bubbles that are bound to burst, are so infinitely precious. Simultaneously, we can't help but to make efforts in fulfilling the debt of gratitude that we owe our parents.

                After all, without being born into this world and listening to the teachings of Buddhism, how else could we experience the everlasting joy that makes us shout, "This is why I was born human! How glad I am with the way I've lived my life. I'm the most blessed being alive on Earth!" Please continue to listen seriously to the teachings of Buddhism until you arrive at this exuberant state.

On Alaya Mind & the Wind of Impermanence

            People are travelers. We travel from yesterday to today. Today to tomorrow. We do this year after year. Japanese poet Ikkyu said that New Year's Day even though on the surface is a cause for celebration is actually just a milestone toward the afterlife. The idea of man as a traveler has been used in songs, poems, and stories for centuries. 

Original Photo by Dru! available on Flickr.com

              Our trip can be sunny, rainy or windy. It can be mountainous or deep into a valley. Or it can be as simple as a walk on a flatland, because so many things can happen on the journey. We have many encounters with various characters throughout our voyage. Misfortune comes our way. Some days are just normal. We say goodbye here and there to many good people we've met. The weather is fine on some days and bad on others.

               The nature of our soul's journey is limitless. It flows in a continual stream from the beginningless past, forward into the eternal future. The journey of this body may be short, 100 years at best. And during this time, not a single person can understand us to the core.

               Sakyamuni Buddha said, "Alone we are born, and alone we die. Alone we come, and alone we depart." Our physical bodies may have company, but our souls are all alone. We have lived our eternal life in complete solitude, and not even family can understand us at the deepest level.

           For example, husbands and wives are separate individuals, even though they are married and may act together as a family. This world may seem like a universal place where we are all sharing a common reality. However, each person is experiencing something different from their own point of view.

           We all have an Alaya Mind (Storehouse Consciousness), and this is also known as our True Self. It represents our eternal life. The Alaya Mind forms its own world from the various deeds of our distant past that are contained within it. The deeds we perform now in the present are stored into our Alaya Mind which then shapes our future.

             So in short, we're all living right now in the world of our Alaya Mind. Putting this into perspective, that means hundreds and thousands, even millions or billions of worlds are existing together in separate Alaya Minds around us. Each one lives in its own unique reality.

             A wife just can't see what life looks like through her husband's eyes, no matter how hard she tries. To understand him completely is simply out of the question. The husband can't even get a real glimpse despite his strongest efforts. A husband and wife can only know their own Alaya Mind. It's not possible to understand another person's world as they see it. It is an exclusive experience to the individual, and that is why it is said that we are born alone and die alone.

             It's also why whether we know it or not, there is a deep, restless loneliness within us. Our soul is yearning for true company. We devise numerous diversions -- joking, singing or dancing -- yet it doesn't wipe away our loneliness. Not for long at least. There still remains a recurring empty solitude, because no one gets us or understands our world completely.

               Children hold secrets from their parents, and parents don't tell everything to their kids. Husbands and wives keep quiet on a lot of issues. That is the nature of our true mind. It is one of complete solitude and hidden darkness. There is no soul that can bare it all, all the time.

              In bustling metropolises like Los Angeles, Tokyo, New Delhi, Berlin, London, or Moscow, we are constantly surrounded by people. How is it that though we are surrounded by millions, we can still feel so alone and desperately lost in the crowd? We just have no true companionship for our soul.

Original Photo by R. Mitra available on Flickr.com

               This doesn't mean we don't need to understand others or shouldn't bother to get very close to people. We must of course try to get to know people and care about them. But it is an oversized ego that believes it can truly get another person completely. It denotes someone who is 100% in the dark about their own self.

                Our Alaya Mind is hurting. There is no way we can figure out how to solve this situation. We long to bare all of our soul and need to be able to understand it. Only by knowing who we really are can we obtain absolute happiness. Listening to Pure Land Buddhism, we come closer to arriving at this life-changing moment. We come to learn our True Self fully, realize the roles of the countless buddhas, as well as fully grasp the role of Amida Buddha and the Pure Land. By listening steadily and knowing these concepts -- not just believing in them blindly -- we can finally celebrate in not being alone for the first time in our eternal life.

                 Until we find the truth, life seems to have a mysterious sadness to it. People will dwell on all sorts of thoughts to distract themselves from it -- yet it returns, again and again. We rely on systems of politics, ethics, morals, laws in an attempt to restore balance to this desperate world. 

                 Every month we have holidays with fireworks and festivals filled with people who want to escape for a while. They want to forget their solitude in the fun, but they can't seem to leave that emptiness behind when it's time to pick up trash after the party. Fireworks don't last, but it's also what makes them wonderful to look at. At best, could they go on for an hour straight, a whole day, or a full month like that? Would it even remain as exciting at that point? The thrill comes from the rareness of the experience.

Original Photo by bayasaa available on Flickr.com

               The various fireworks of our lives flicker quickly, in and out, here and there throughout the years, and a lifetime of even 100 years can disappear quietly into the smoky dark without notice. In the end, the greater the fireworks display, the greater the sorrow.

               Life is the same way. Once it's over, we're left to the hell of our own bitter solitude at death, and the fact that our soul has no accompaniment. Right now, we're billions of lonesome travelers waiting for death while fighting for survival. We hang in this critical balance day to day. 

               Our fate can change drastically just by the choices and actions we make in a single moment. Life-or-death events happen to us and our loved ones all the time, but soon even they just fade away becoming the farthest thing from our mind. We move on to the next challenge. "That's life," we say. But how long can we keep that up for?

"When at last I came to the peak that I had thought would surely be the last,

I turned my eyes to the way beyond -- mountain piled on mountain."

--Anonymous

                The Wind of Impermanence is always blowing along our journey whether we feel it beating down on our backs or not. Nothing lasts; everything changes. The Wind of Impermanence can be compared to a ghastly tiger stalking its unsuspecting prey.

               There is a tiger behind you right now, even as you read this blog. If there is a room with 100 people, there are 100 tigers lurking behind those people. This tiger waits and waits and waits. It creeps up on all of us with the utmost stealth and suddenly attacks when we least expect it. One day -- BAM! -- it has you in its jaws, clenched in its teeth. It's a huge, hungry, and vicious tiger, and it doesn't wait for you, anyone, or anything. You could be washing your face or right in the middle of a sentence.

               A professor of religion at the University of Tokyo, Hideo Kishimoto, battled with a very serious case of cancer. Kishimoto likened the idea of death to "sudden, unprovoked violence" and left a detailed account of his personal struggle with the disease:

"Death always comes suddenly. 

No matter when it appears, the one visited by Death 

looks on its arrival as a sudden intrusion. 

For the mind filled with a sense of security 

is totally unprepared for death. ...

Death comes when by rights it has no business coming.

It goes coolly where by rights it has no business going, 

like a desperado striding with dirty boots into a freshly-cleaned parlor. 

Death's behavior is outrageous. You may ask it to wait a while, but in vain. 

Death is a monster beyond human power to budge or to hold in check."

              The fearsome tiger has no compassion hunts all of us down without a shred of mercy. Its terrifying size and insatiable hunger calmly waits for the perfect opportunity to strike us. When the tiger comes closer, we may try to escape by going to the doctor and taking various medicines in order to prolong our life. But the moment will come when the tiger appears for his final lethal bite. Once we're bitten, our time here as a traveler will be over.  

Original Photo by fpat available on Flickr.com

               All of us must face the Wind of Impermanence.

               This is why we must seek the truth for who we really are and obtain absolute happiness in the here and now. Without sensing that our life is fleeting, we do not feel inclined to move into action. We must seek to know what the afterlife holds in store for us as soon as possible, before it is too late. Listening to Buddhism brings us toward the real solution to these problems. Let us listen to the teachings with sincerity and reflect deeply on the crucial matter of our afterlife.